Tuesday, July 27, 2004

On the Eve of my 25th Birthday

Lightning slashes through the sky as rain washes the asphalt black. The swoosh and slosh of tires along the road rises up to my 10th floor window, ebbing and flowing like an urban tide.

I sit here alone in my enviously large dining/living room, typing in the corner by the kitchen. Below me, the garish pea soup yellow table, half covered in papers and books and electrode leads; behind me, a single lightbulb glares loudly into my left visual field. I consider turning it off.

The whoop of an ambulance siren, the low buzz hum of the stove vent that I forgot to turn off—these are the sounds that keep me company on my last night of 24.

What a year it was! I studied massage. I went naked in the hot springs. I moved to New Haven and started medical school. I dissected a dead body. I cut my hair. I became a sister. I took care of my grandmother. I experienced the cancer diagnosis of two important people in my life. I fell in love with babies, starting with Jessa Maya. I got my white coat. I learned how to do a history and physical. I started my first research study. I went rock climbing outdoors for the first time. I caught a shark with my bare hands. I had a crush on a boy and went after him. I made peace with my father’s wife. I came to terms with my adulthood. I began to believe in my intuition and wisdom. I paid rent and lived in an apartment. I fully healed from my college-borne eating issues. I began to make sleep more of a priority. I stopped enjoying drinking alcohol. I got addicted to Starbuck’s for good. I learned how to play guitar. I kept in touch with old and new friends. I sang with Mizmor Shir. I had no sex. Or foreplay. Or any kind of play. I went on dates. I started dressing less like a scruffy college kid and more like a pre-professional. I learned how to take care of myself.

This coming year, the year of 25, will be bigger and better than 24. 24 was a year of transition, of changes, and of inner growth. Now I’m smarter, sexier, and sassier than I was this time last year; and the coming 12 months will reap the fruits of this updated version of me’s labors. That’s right, year 25 will go down in history as the first year I was truly and completely Myself. The Year of Rebirth, or renaissance, as it were. I do feel as if I have completed a chapter in my life and am about to begin a new one. When I have more time, I would like to recap the last 25 years and come to more profound conclusions about this era. For now I’ll just mention it and hope that I return to the subject someday.

"You are the taste in every lip, the intention of every path, you swing
your great heart out, and put your shapes in the air. Half crazy is not
nearly enough for you! The sacred letter alif turns into a circle, the rim
of a wineglass. We must not be afraid of what anyone might say. Be the
source, not the result!" - Mevlana Jallaluddin Rumi (13th c., Sufi)


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