November 3

Overnight, the uneasy swirling in the pit of my gut swirled itself round and round into a solid tortuous knot of disappointment, anger, sadness, fear, worry, shame, and a bit of that Dominican chicken I ate yesterday. It was like washing sheets and jeans together in the washing machine--at the end of the cycle you reach in to find one big knotted ball of heavy wetness. That's what had plopped itself between my kidneys.

My eyes opened on their own at just past seven, but when I heard the radio announcers' tone of voice, I knew the official results were not going to make me happy. At 8:15, I could feel my blood pressure rising incrementally every minute I stayed longer in bed, so I leapt out into the bathroom in the hopes that a hot shower might purge these uncomfortable feelings from my being.

It didn't work. So I tried breakfast: my much missed bowl of Good Friends cereal with frozen berries and milk. That did a good job of cleaning out my bowels (finally! those five days on the campaign trail eating typical American diet were enough to send my colon on strike!), but not my conscience or heart.

It was in lung pathology lab that we heard the final news, that Kerry had officially conceded to Bush. I knew I would be upset, but even I was suprised to feel tears spring to my eyes and begin to roll down the sides of my nose before I could help it. Others also held back tears as Jordan Pober, famed pathologist, continued to drone on obliviously about obstructive lung disease while passing around various examples of diseased lungs.

It seemed akin to that first 9/11 lecture last year about Listeria, which I still find bonechilling. But I couldn't find any obvious significance in the piece of pulmonary parenchyma that we were examining for holes and honeycombing.

At the end, Dr. Pober did say about diseased lung that "the most important things are what's *not* there, not what is there."
So there.

"Never give up, no matter what happens. Be compassionate. Open your heart to everyone and everything."
- Dalai Lama paraphrased