Everything I Needed to Know About Surgery I Learned In Kindergarten

It's true. Scarily so, in fact. First round observations and lessons gleaned from POD #0 (post-op day zero, shorthand for the day of a surgery) of my surgery rotation:

Top 10 Rules of the Operating Room:
1. Wash your hands.
2. Always wear your coat and gloves or you might catch something.
3. Don't forget to pee before you get dressed up to go.
4. Keep your hands to yourself.
5. Don't touch dirty stuff if you're clean.
6. Don't touch clean stuff if you're dirty.
7. Do whatever the teacher tells you to do or you might get yelled at.
8. Don't ask too many questions or you might get yelled at.
9. Don't play with knives or someone might get hurt.
10. Clean up after yourself.

Top 5 Items I Have Used in Surgery as a Medical Student:
1. Scissors
2. Staples
3. Glue
4. Bandaids
5. Napkins

Top 3 Things We Ask Patients After Surgery:
1. Did you fart?
2. Did you poop?
3. Did you pee?

The #1 Thing Missing From Surgery To Make It Truly Like Kindergarten:
1. Naptime